Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'm a little turned off.

You guys will like this I think.

I was talking to Javier's stepmother today. Last time I messaged her I explained to her that me and Javier were no longer talking and I needed to know if he had sent the papers back to the hospital for paternity. She finally messaged me back together and said that she asked him but he didn't answer her.

I told her that if he doesn't want to see or be a part of Mia's life, fine, but he is at least going to have to pay me child support for the child that he helped me make. She said she will tell him to call me, but I doubt he will. So we got to talking.

I told her that each day it gets harder trying to raise Mia knowing that whole situation with him could of been prevented. That I still have feelings for him and I wish he would just come through one day. Sooo, she let the cat out of the hat and told me that Javier dropped out of college, has no job, has a new girlfriend. Also he is not paying child support to Karla or Sue-hay. So he is most likely going to jail. He knows he is going to go to jail, so she thinks that he is going to move to Wisconsin with his real mother.

For what? I don't know, maybe in his mind he thinks he can run. But it will all catch up with him.

I am turned off, but at the same time I feel bad. This wholeee thing could of been prevented. If he just would of stepped up to the plate, got a job and stopped hitting me while I was down there I would of stayed. This never would of happened. Ya know? But he is a jackass, instead of getting a new girlfriend Javier focus on yourself and be alone for a while, no?

Oh wait you can't do that can you? Remember the time in PR when I didn't have sex with you for 2 days. And you were pissy towards me all day. That day we had our first 'fight' down there. I got hormonal and needed support, but you just pushed me away. So I kind of 'missed home' at that point and I told your stepmother. And you had a bitch fit. Later on you apologized but explained to me, and I quote, "I'm sorry... It's just that sex is SO SO SO important in my life and when you didn't do anything for me in two days in a row it makes me so angry."

I'll still pray for him at night. Even though he is the biggest son of a mother fucking bitch right now, I will still pray and hope he will get it together for himself & his kids.

Because he OWES that to at least his kids.


  1. You are a moron for still wanting this guy.
    Yeah I get it, you were so madly in love with him blah blah blah. But he beat you. He is not stepping up to be a least a halfway decent father to your little girl. How can you actually see any good in him???

  2. There's nothing wrong with wishing the best for him even after what he's done. In this post I didn't state, oh I want him back so badly. All I said was what I found out what's been going on, I AM A LITTLE TURNED OFF by it. But I still want to pray for his well being. I also said that he needs to step it up for his KIDS, not me, his children. So re-read what I posted. And No I'm not a moron. Baby steps it ain't gonna happen overnight. And I see the potential good in him, meaning I know it's not there, but I know what he could be if he chose to be. Please, this is my blog and this is where I vent and get the feelings out. Don't read it if it upsets you that much. I fucking left the guy for a better life because I knew my daughter was in danger. If it upsets you that much, don't read don't comment.

  3. I'm a mommy on the Bump site. The Bump message sucks ass and won't let me submit. I want to send you a message but I can't. Is there another way I can message you. Like, e-mail? Maybe you can message me first and see if I can reply.

    My Bumpie name - sammiekc

  4. It's totally understandable that you still ahve feeling for him, but I'm glad you had this experience.

    It takes time to get over someone, and the fact that you have a daughter and he is the father makes it that much more difficult.
    But trust me, as time goes on, you will have more experiences like this and come to see how much better off you are without him. Your feelings WILL fade, and you will be able to see him as the creep most of us see him as.

    I firmly believe every person has some good in them, but when the bad outweighs the good, it just isn't worth it. Still, it took courage to make the decision you did, being a single mom is hard. I give you mad props :)

  5. I can't understand how a girl can fall in love with a guy knowing he is a deadbeat to the kids he already has by TWO different mothers. Sounds like a real winner...

  6. Actually Anonymous, That truth about him having kids didn't come out until after we were already together. Shove it, please.

  7. So what IS it that you love about him so much? What redeeming qualities does he have? You are 17 and you're in love with the IDEA of being in love and the IDEA of being a family and the IDEA of him. Nothing about this guy is what you'd really want. He slept with you, got you pregnant, beat you, held you prisoner, isnt responsible for ANY of his three kids... You dont have the luxury anymore of daydreaming about prince charming. He isnt the guy you want him to be and he never will be.

  8. Don't minimize my feelings for someone. You have no idea how I feel or what I am capable for feeling. Love can come at any age. It's rare, but some people DO marry their high school sweethearts. You don't even know me. And what I love about him so much was how he used to treat me before he became the person he is now. Please step off your high horse, just because you were fortunate to find a good man who treats you right. Yeah I do love Javier. I have a child with him, get it? There will always be some kind of love there for him. I don't wish bad things upon him, I'm not a cold hearted bitch. I wish him the best, and it's sad for me to see him in the spot of probably going to jail because of his mistakes. And you say he 'slept' with me, like it was some one night stand, it wasn't. What I feel for Javier is real. What just because I'm 17 I can't be in love with somebody? Yes you are right, I love the idea of all those things also. And that's probably half my problem, because I easily fall in love with potential of what he could/used to be. You are no one to judge me or my feelings for somebody. It's not impossible for people to change, you just need to find the right path in life to take. I was headed down a bad road, but I woke up one day and backtracked. Seriously, grow a pair if you're going to comment on my blog about MY feelings. Don't knock me, at least tell who you are.

  9. Manda, it is completely normal for you to still have feelings for him because he is the father of your child. You are a strong woman and did the right thing for you and your daughter by getting away from him and your abusive relationship. Take what happened and turn it into a learning experience and move on to something (and maybe someone!) better!