Saturday, December 12, 2009

As the days go by..

These past few days are getting easier. I can honestly say I haven't been thinking about Javier as much. I haven't been caring about all the ''What Ifs'' anymore.

Since I have Mia, I will always have some sense of love for him. Meaning, I want him to do better. I don't want to see him get in trouble. I will say though, he was truly blind to let me go he had it all and he didn't know. But someday he will realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. I was the women that stood by him for everything, that's his loss.

I wouldn't say I'm over it completely, I still hurt sometimes. But I think it's safe to say I'm at the beginning part of acceptance of my healing process. Give me more time, and I believe I will be fine. Maybe one day I will even look back and laugh at how stupid I was for staying as long as I did.

With the Holidays right around the corner I was feeling upset because I don't have a significant other to spend it with this year, I didn't have him. But as I look back to last Christmas, I remember him basically, well, ruining it for me. Christmas Eve, he was suppose to come to a family party with me, but he instead with to his work party. He never came home that night. I waited up till 4 in the morning for him. He never answered his phone, his friends answered it completely cocked and told me he was passed out somewhere. Oh thanks guys. They told me they would take him home in the morning.

I waited the next morning, he strolled into the house all hungover at 1:30 in the afternoon. Thank you Javier. And this may seem shallow to some, and I'm not somebody who wants extravagant gifts and whatnot. But I spent thought and money into his gifts. Yes gifts, plural. I got him a stocking full of everything he needed, a new toothbrush, underwear, a new electric razor, shaving cream, body wash, etc. Then I bought him very nice cologne and the new Usher CD. When he came home that day, he went into our room for about 30 minutes. He came out with a card and $50 for me.

I appreciated it, but I would of rather had a gift from him. That he put thought into, ya know? And although I won't have him this year, I'll have Mia and that's enough for me, cause she won't be late to Christmas! Haha.

Since I'm on the subject of Christmas though, I went overboard with Mia seriously. I was only going to get her like 4 things. Nope, she has well over 15 gifts from Santa. Gifts from my mom, my grandma, my other grandma, my aunts and uncles, and her Godparents.

I know you can't spoil a newborn, but this kid is being spoiled with gifts this year!

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