Random Nights

I'm usually the type of person who likes to have this organized and planned out before following through with things. But I also love just randomly calling up your cousin or your friend and just setting up something right then and there for that night. It's great!

So the other night I went to my cousin's house to ''Girl's Night.'' That included myself, Nikole Thomas, & my cousin Nicole. Yes the two Nikki's. - They are like my sisters, forrealz. Haaha. My cousin Nicole was the one that introduced me and Nikole to NewLife Worship Center. That church is a live moving experience. And now the three of us gals are on the road to God.

But anyways, the other night we went over to Nicole's house to watch Paranormal Activity - the version not showed in theaters! DUDE WTF. I was scared all over again and that ending was a whole lot better than the original. Craziness I tell you. And to top it off Jake (Nicole's husband) kept randomly coming down and scaring the CRAP out of us!!!!

Can you tell we are 'scared?'

But we made Jake take this picture since he loves to scare us.

Me and Nikole Thomas ( she's the one in the middle) suck at making scared faces.

Nicole (right) pretty much has it down.

Munchies!

Nikole & Nicole thought it was be funny to order a medium SQUARE cheese pizza.

I have weird phobias, one of them being square pizza. Freaks me out so I can't eat it.

Hardy ha ha, so funny. NOT.

& This picture is just random, because every 2.5 seconds I would just start snapping the camera.

What can I say? I love pictures, but they were making fun of me haha.

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Then the next night Me, Alex, Tony, Kyle, & Mia all went out to eat at Hong Kong! Fun stuff, and good food. Plus I haven't has Chinese food since I was 9 months pregnant, since I heard it would induce labor. And God knows I was doing everything and anything to get Mia out. We took Mia home and my mom babysat for like an hour so we could drop Tony in Providence since Alex didn't want to get lost alone.

This is what our car ride consisted of.

This was when Tony was the one driving. I kept trying to blind him.

I have NO clue what happened that night. No drugs or alcohol involved, Just me being high off life.

Yes I am completely aware how dangerous this is.

Singing a song!

Okay no, I was kidding. This is me screaming.

& This is me smiling!

Dammit Tony, you never smile kid.

So yeah random nights, awesome. Drinks to that!

Merrrrry Christmas

Okay so it's not Christmas anymore, obviously haha. But I did not feel like blogging last night, super tired and I had to clean my whole house with my mother cause she's a nut.

Wanna know the best thing about Christmas was? I DIDN'T EVEN CRY. Okay I was kidding that wasn't the BEST part, but it was a good thing that didn't happen. And I honestly thought I was going to! But I didn't I was so happy. I got more than enough for myself, and Mia got so so sooo much! I'm so grateful and happy.

Mia usually sleeps in to like 9 or 10 sometimes, but she must have known Santa came so she woke up at like 7:30 haha. I was excited for her 1st Christmas so I wrapped every.single.gift under the tree for her haha. She got a Sophie, books, leggings, an umbrella stroller, clothes clothes clothes,  a DVD to watch, Toys toys and more toys! & a Jumper thing, but she didn't like that too much, she's too young though.

 

WTF with this guy.

12/22/2009

2:17 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

hey!!!

are you there???

amanda??!!!

……………………………………………………………………

2:20 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

later!!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:01 AM

Amanda:

I didn't mean to ignore you earlier I was upstairs trying to get Mia to sleep

……………………………………………………………………

4:02 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

it's okay!!!

how is she???

……………………………………………………………………

4:02 AM

Amanda:

She's good!

……………………………………………………………………

4:02 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

how are you???

……………………………………………………………………

4:02 AM

Amanda:

I'm good too thanks, how are you doing?

……………………………………………………………………

4:02 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

not too bad!!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:03 AM

Amanda:

That's good to hear

How the familia?

……………………………………………………………………

4:03 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

good!!

hey!!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:04 AM

Amanda:

I'm happy to hear that

hey

……………………………………………………………………

4:04 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i still have chance to send you those papers Amanda???

……………………………………………………………………

4:04 AM

Amanda:

Do you still have them>?

……………………………………………………………………

4:04 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

yess

……………………………………………………………………

4:04 AM

Amanda:

Send them!

The lady called me today asking about it cause she didn't hear from you

……………………………………………………………………

4:07 AM

Amanda:

Did Nereida get the package with all the presents yet? Do you know?

……………………………………………………………………

4:10 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

idk!!!

shedidn't!!!

i just ask her

……………………………………………………………………

4:10 AM

Amanda:

Oh alright thanks lol

It should be there soon though I sent it out on the 15th

……………………………………………………………………

4:11 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

how your x-mas going??

i'll let you know

……………………………………………………………………

4:11 AM

Amanda:

It's not here yet lol, but it's going good, Mia's first Christmas! so exciting

Thanks Javier

……………………………………………………………………

4:11 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i told her to tell me when she get it

……………………………………………………………………

4:11 AM

Amanda:

lol okay

can you do me a favor?

……………………………………………………………………

4:12 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

yeah

……………………………………………………………………

4:12 AM

Amanda:

I need you to watch a video

You don't have to tell me how you feel about it, but I feel like I need to show you this

It's about God

……………………………………………………………………

4:13 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

what is it??

……………………………………………………………………

4:13 AM

Amanda:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Just watch it, it's only like 6 minutes. Just try to understand the message

it's very uplifting and beautiful

But please just watch everything

……………………………………………………………………

4:14 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

hold on i'm gonna watch it

……………………………………………………………………

4:14 AM

Amanda:

Okay tell me when your done

……………………………………………………………………

4:23 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

done

it's cute

it got deep on i

……………………………………………………………………

4:24 AM

Amanda:

I just wanted to let you know .. sometimes we get lost in things but just remember to keep fighting and God will save you

……………………………………………………………………

4:24 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i just don't wanna fight anymore he know's it!!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:25 AM

Amanda:

Well he's with you Javier

And I always pray for you

……………………………………………………………………

4:25 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

my dad said hello!!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:26 AM

Amanda:

HIIII! tell him i miss him and love him!

Hola te extrano y te querio muchoo

right?

……………………………………………………………………

4:26 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

yeah

……………………………………………………………………

4:26 AM

Amanda:

……………………………………………………………………

4:27 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

he's lmao

……………………………………………………………………

4:27 AM

Amanda:

lmao

……………………………………………………………………

4:27 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

lhao

……………………………………………………………………

4:27 AM

Amanda:

hhaha cute

hows gordo?

……………………………………………………………………

4:27 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

so gordo!!! lol

he's good!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:28 AM

Amanda:

haha good! tell him i said hola too!

……………………………………………………………………

4:28 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i did

and he said watagatapitusberry

……………………………………………………………………

4:29 AM

Amanda:

lmfao

……………………………………………………………………

4:29 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

you know that song??

……………………………………………………………………

4:29 AM

Amanda:

i saw that video

haha yeah from you

……………………………………………………………………

4:29 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

on my myspace??

……………………………………………………………………

4:29 AM

Amanda:

yep

……………………………………………………………………

4:30 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

isn't funny??

……………………………………………………………………

4:30 AM

Amanda:

yeah haha

how francheska and the baby?

she's so beautiful! fabian is getting huge!

……………………………………………………………………

4:31 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

they are ok

they just got an appartment the other day!!

 

12/22/2009

4:31 AM

Amanda:

I know I saw her status Im happy for them

……………………………………………………………………

4:32 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

oh!!

……………………………………………………………………

4:32 AM

Amanda:

your sister shelly wants me to go to WI in the spring time

and stay with her

with Mia

……………………………………………………………………

4:32 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

thats good

……………………………………………………………………

4:33 AM

Amanda:

yeah

……………………………………………………………………

4:34 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i'm going of line... i'm gonna watch the 2012 movie

……………………………………………………………………

4:34 AM

Amanda:

okay have fun

& tell me how it is!

……………………………………………………………………

4:35 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

have you watch it???

……………………………………………………………………

4:35 AM

Amanda:

nope not yet

i want to though

……………………………………………………………………

4:35 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i'm excited cuz i just get it

……………………………………………………………………

4:35 AM

Amanda:

lol sweet

……………………………………………………………………

4:35 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

well

i'm leaving

bye manda bye mia

……………………………………………………………………

4:36 AM

Amanda:

okay i guess i'll talk to you later then

bye javier

……………………………………………………………………

4:36 AM

SUPERKRIPPY:

i love you guys

 ----------------------

 

I cannot understand him at all. And I don't have the heart to just ignore him, I don't. I'm trying everything to just fight the feeling off. I'm not doing a good job, but I think I'm doing a good job in not showing him.

I'm acting as though I'm great and life is good, when on the inside I'm hurting a lot. So much confusion and stuff. But I won't let him know that, I can't cause then he'll know how to play me over and over again.

I have to be strong this time, for Mia.

Pity Party.

The last time I talked to Javier was over a month ago. I didn't try to make contact with him or anything.

Two nights ago guess who sent me a request on myspace? Just take a guess .... Javier. Surprise Surprise! I didn't think he would try to make contact with me, since you know, he has a new girlfriend now and everything. But, none the less he did.

So I accepted the request. And let me tell you I was like sick to my stomach.Five minutes later I get a message from him, "Why won't the chat thing work?" I didn't know. So I IMed him on the myspace chat thing.

He asked how I was and I told him I was doing pretty good. Then I asked him how he was, which was a mistake, cause his reply was "I'm pretty bad!!!" Oh jeez. Here we go. Pity Party on myspace chat, yay!

Basically the whole conversation was about how he has 'given up on himself.' He doesn't want to look for a job, he wants to quit school because it's just too hard. Blah blah blah blah blah.

I wasn't a bitch to him, I'll be honest. I was annoyed but didn't want to tell him that. Obviously he was just looking for sympathy. I basically told him that of course college is going to be hard and education is the only thing that can't be taken away from him. I tried to be encouraging but he was just so negative about it.

25 minutes into the conversation, he finally asked about Mia. Then he had to go and told me he would talk to me another time. Whatever.

I don't know why he's doing this. I think he likes to mess with my head, seriously. He acted as though we haven't talked in the last month. So casual. I don't understand his motives at all? Why are you talking to me, aren't you happy with your new girlfriend? Go complain to her. He does this all the time. Just as I start to feel better, he comes back into our lives.

Love me or leave me alone, Javier.

As the days go by..

These past few days are getting easier. I can honestly say I haven't been thinking about Javier as much. I haven't been caring about all the ''What Ifs'' anymore.

Since I have Mia, I will always have some sense of love for him. Meaning, I want him to do better. I don't want to see him get in trouble. I will say though, he was truly blind to let me go he had it all and he didn't know. But someday he will realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. I was the women that stood by him for everything, that's his loss.

I wouldn't say I'm over it completely, I still hurt sometimes. But I think it's safe to say I'm at the beginning part of acceptance of my healing process. Give me more time, and I believe I will be fine. Maybe one day I will even look back and laugh at how stupid I was for staying as long as I did.

With the Holidays right around the corner I was feeling upset because I don't have a significant other to spend it with this year, I didn't have him. But as I look back to last Christmas, I remember him basically, well, ruining it for me. Christmas Eve, he was suppose to come to a family party with me, but he instead with to his work party. He never came home that night. I waited up till 4 in the morning for him. He never answered his phone, his friends answered it completely cocked and told me he was passed out somewhere. Oh thanks guys. They told me they would take him home in the morning.

I waited the next morning, he strolled into the house all hungover at 1:30 in the afternoon. Thank you Javier. And this may seem shallow to some, and I'm not somebody who wants extravagant gifts and whatnot. But I spent thought and money into his gifts. Yes gifts, plural. I got him a stocking full of everything he needed, a new toothbrush, underwear, a new electric razor, shaving cream, body wash, etc. Then I bought him very nice cologne and the new Usher CD. When he came home that day, he went into our room for about 30 minutes. He came out with a card and $50 for me.

I appreciated it, but I would of rather had a gift from him. That he put thought into, ya know? And although I won't have him this year, I'll have Mia and that's enough for me, cause she won't be late to Christmas! Haha.

Since I'm on the subject of Christmas though, I went overboard with Mia seriously. I was only going to get her like 4 things. Nope, she has well over 15 gifts from Santa. Gifts from my mom, my grandma, my other grandma, my aunts and uncles, and her Godparents.

I know you can't spoil a newborn, but this kid is being spoiled with gifts this year!

Two Months Old!

Lord, please make her stop growing. Freeze time? Is that even possible?

My Mia is two months old as of today, December 10, 2009. It's absolutely craziness how 2 months ago from today I was in the hospital crying in pain, haha. But then at 10:07pm, here came my precious baby.

I have two people to give thanks to for Mia being here. First is God, without him it wouldn't be possible. He gave me the most precious gift anybody could ask for, a beautiful healthy baby. & Javier, because, well his sperm met my egg. & woo-la, Mia.

She changes everyday, it's unbelievable. She's starting to get her own little personality now, it's so cute. She's most likely always in a good mood, unless she's tired, hungry, or overwhelmed with my lovings! Haha. Other than that, she is my perfect little angel.

My mom tells me all the time I should just let her cry it out for a few minutes. And I try to explain to her that it's not good for them. But then she goes on to tell me she did it to me and I turned out fine. So I told her "I'm not fine. Maybe that's why I have 'attachment issues' ... I clench on to the first person that tells me he loves me and now I can't get over it." She shut up real quick.

I'm so tired of the unsolicited advice from my family. Grandma, my kid does not need to be wrapped up in 7 blankets when she's inside of my heated house, the actual cold doesn't make anybody sick, it's a germ in the air. Hats, ear muffs, jackets, & mittens can't protect you from germs.

So that's all, just wanted to AW that Mia is 2 months today and just a short little vent. Happy two months!

Winter Wonderland

It was days like today where I would wake up to snow and bug my mother to go out and play.

That was then, this is now though. LOL. Snow is beautiful when you first wake up and nobody has plowed your streets yet, but once that happens I think it's just one big nasty, slushy mess.

Me and my mom had to go shovel this morning. Not fun, since it's raining out and the snow is extra heavy. And not to mention we both nearly pulled our backs out. I'm 17 going on 48 it feels like, my back shouldn't know how to 'throw out' yet, agree? Lol.

Times like these where I wish Javier or my father was here to do that job. But even if Javier was here, I'd still have to help, or he'd just piss and moan about me being lazy. But then again this time it might not have been the same, I would have a baby to take care of.

So basically, we need a handyman. Pronto.

I did it.

I filled out the papers from Child Support Enforcement. Gave them all of Javier's information, that I knew of.

I feel bad, but he needs to learn that he can't just keep getting women pregnant and bolting on them. Especially bolting when he knows they're already head over heels for him.

I decided not to even give him the heads up. I talked to my therapist about what to do, whether to tell him or not. She said that the people who work for CSE are there to deal with your case so you don't have to make contact with him. It's their job, let them do it.

At the moment I'm not 'struggling' for money. But pretty soon my TDI money is going to run out. And nobody has called me back for an interview for a job so eventually that money will come in handy. I don't exactly know how it works, because he doesn't even have a job right now. So who knows when or if I will even get money. But the paperwork is being mailed tomorrow morning. And that's done with.

AWing Mia's Newborn Pictures!

So yesterday I had an appointment with Simple Portraits in the mall for Mia's pictures. I was hoping and praying she wouldn't act fussy there. But of course my luck, she was fussy. Lol babies are so unpredictable! But on the bright side, we got some awesome shots. I signed up for a year worth membership there so I can get discounts and deals, plus no sitting fees. I went into the studio thinking I would be buying Collection 1, which is any 3 sheets. But once I had to choose from like 30 different ones, I couldn't do it. So I ended up buying 6 different poses, and also got 1 sheet free for having it been my first time there. I spent 105.98 + the 58.99 membership sign up fee. But it's worth it cause the ones that came out good, came out beautiful. I sat and cried looking at them last night, I produced such a beautiful child.
 

I'm a little turned off.

You guys will like this I think.

I was talking to Javier's stepmother today. Last time I messaged her I explained to her that me and Javier were no longer talking and I needed to know if he had sent the papers back to the hospital for paternity. She finally messaged me back together and said that she asked him but he didn't answer her.

I told her that if he doesn't want to see or be a part of Mia's life, fine, but he is at least going to have to pay me child support for the child that he helped me make. She said she will tell him to call me, but I doubt he will. So we got to talking.

I told her that each day it gets harder trying to raise Mia knowing that whole situation with him could of been prevented. That I still have feelings for him and I wish he would just come through one day. Sooo, she let the cat out of the hat and told me that Javier dropped out of college, has no job, has a new girlfriend. Also he is not paying child support to Karla or Sue-hay. So he is most likely going to jail. He knows he is going to go to jail, so she thinks that he is going to move to Wisconsin with his real mother.

For what? I don't know, maybe in his mind he thinks he can run. But it will all catch up with him.

I am turned off, but at the same time I feel bad. This wholeee thing could of been prevented. If he just would of stepped up to the plate, got a job and stopped hitting me while I was down there I would of stayed. This never would of happened. Ya know? But he is a jackass, instead of getting a new girlfriend Javier focus on yourself and be alone for a while, no?

Oh wait you can't do that can you? Remember the time in PR when I didn't have sex with you for 2 days. And you were pissy towards me all day. That day we had our first 'fight' down there. I got hormonal and needed support, but you just pushed me away. So I kind of 'missed home' at that point and I told your stepmother. And you had a bitch fit. Later on you apologized but explained to me, and I quote, "I'm sorry... It's just that sex is SO SO SO important in my life and when you didn't do anything for me in two days in a row it makes me so angry."

I'll still pray for him at night. Even though he is the biggest son of a mother fucking bitch right now, I will still pray and hope he will get it together for himself & his kids.

Because he OWES that to at least his kids.