Friday, October 30, 2009

Sperm donor.

That is what I think of my father now. A sperm donor.

I do not even know where to start with this post. Seriously.

This man has an addictive personality. Addicted to coffee, cigarettes, work, gambling, & the list goes on. His gambling addiction brought my family into a hole. Over $300,000 worth of debt. We almost lost the house, the house hasn't been paid in about a year because they had to file bankruptcy last year in order to save the house. We are in the middle of modification with the bank.

In 2005 is when the gambling started to get out of control. He kept saying he didn't need any help, because he simply wasn't like those other people in GA meetings. My parents got separated since then. He secretly got involved with a 28 year old girl (back then she was 24 & my dad was 39, now my father is 43) he confessed only after I caught him living there, because I happened to notice his truck parked outside some random house in the morning every time my bus would drive by. Since then he has not moved out of her place.

He told my mother not to divorce him because 'he is a sick man and he needs help, then he will be home.' LIE. Two years ago maybe, he came home for 4 days, and left to go back to that girl, Lindsay. My mom wanted to divorce him again, but he insisted she let him get help.

Started going to GA meetings finally, got help and has supposedly been recover for almost a year now. His last day clean of a bet was sometime in December of last year. But we have reasons to believe he has gambled since then but I won't get into that right now anyways.

About a month ago my parents got into a fight. My mom was getting sick and tired of him coming over to the house to eat nice home cooked meals and watching TV, then leaving to go right back to her. He has never once taken me or my sister out. He just always came over to chat with my mom. My mom gave him the ultimatum of not coming back to the house ever again until he has his shit to come home with. She never once said anything about withholding me or my sister from him, he could take us if he wanted but he was not allowed over the house.

Two days later, he came home. But once he came home, he was never there. Went to work, came home for an hour to eat for about an hour, then he was gone again until after 11:30pm. My mom never really said anything about it. Some days during the week he had GA meetings to go to, so he would go there, but those meetings end at 9ish. So where was he after? Probably with Lindsay, but he claims he was at the bar.

Basically told my mom one night that he was 'physically ill from being away from this girl." Why? Who the hell knows, this girl did nothing for him. Doesn't cook, fuck she doesn't even know how to. Her meals consist of frozen TV dinners. Doesn't offer to do his laundry. & It's not like he's there for the sex, because she's no fun in the sack as he says. Foreplay is a no-go with this twat. My mom did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, made lunches, laundry. She lives in a 1 bedroom box apartment in the ghetto, where we have this big beautiful house in a good neighborhood. Everything was done when that man came home.

So this past Saturday he took my mom out for a drive. Told her something like "I know I have put you and the girls on the back burner my whole life, but last night at my meeting it clicked that I wasn't happy. And I need to be happy because if I'm not happy I will gamble again, and you don't want me doing that right?"

So he ended up leaving. Although he would of left the next day if it wasn't for me to tell him to pack his shit and leave.

Now I truly hate this man, and please don't tell me he's my father and all that bullshit. Because NO, he is nothing but a sperm donor in my eyes. He was never there, put everything and anything before me, Hayley, and my mother. He is fake. I hate him and I wish nothing but bad things upon those two idiots. They are nothing but scumbags, and they will have there day.

I am so filled with anger and hurt, and all I want to do is destroy. Destroy everything he has. I want so badly to slash her tires and throw eggs at her car. I want to take a black sharpie and write on his big red truck "Hi I am a compulsive gambler who left my family for a 28 year old Lush." And draw a big penis on the other side of the truck. But they are both very lucky, cause I would sacrifice jail to do those things. But I can't because I have Mia now.

And I didn't think it could get any better, but it did. My mom and him were talking late one night and he was crying. This was before I gave birth. He was crying how he was so worried about me and told my mom not to tell me that he was having a hard time coming home because he was physically ill being away from this girl. He told her that he thinks I am going to die during delivery. And I quote, "I am worried that Amanda will die during labor. I hope that baby dies before Amanda does." YOU SON OF A BITCH.

You know what motherfucker? I hope you jump to another fucking addiction. It will probably be either alcohol or sex addiction. You always drink now all of a sudden, because that fucking twat face always has you sitting in the damn apartment drinking rum coke with her skank ass right? Or maybe it will be sex addiction since all the fucking porn movies you order while you were home, when you were sleeping in my fucking bed you sick fuck.

You may have 'recovered' from gambling, but like YOU even told me ... most people with an addiction jump from one addiction to the other. You will go down in a hole again, guaranteed. And once you hit rock bottom this time I am almost positive that you will off yourself. & You know what? I will throw a party.

I feel nothing to despise and hatred towards that man. And I am so done with him.

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