Thursday, October 8, 2009


I am so sick and tired of people asking me the following:
   -When are you due?
   -How are you feeling today?
   -Are you feeling anything today?
   -Did you have that baby yet?
   -You're going to let me know when you go into labor right?

UGHH. fdkjguhsdihfg.
Seriously, I was due YESTERDAY, mark it on your damn calender or something. People, I am not sick, what I feel is pregnant. No I'm not feeling anything today, if I was feeling something, don't you think I would be on my way to labor and delivery? If I had my baby, you would not be seeing me right now obviously dumbass. And dammit, if you have any importance in my life I WILL LET YOU KNOW. Either way, you will find out when I have my baby, whether it's from me personally or you heard it from somebody else. STOP ASKING ME.

On a good note though, my insurance for Mia and myself is all set and done. Also I got my GED scores back. Guess who's graduating in June?! :)
I'm so relieved that those two things are off the list. Now al I'm waiting for is Mia to get here. Which is when? I'd love to know.

No word from Javier since the night I told him I needed to cut off contact with him for the time being until I am able to talk to him without getting upset. I know that everybody says I just need to cut the cord and be gone of him. But in reality it's just not that simple. I know in my head what the right decision to make is, really I do. It's just a battle between my brain and my heart, telling me two different things. I don't wanna be done with him. I still hold on to hope that he could change one day. Maybe If I pray harder, or I wish upon 5 million stars. I don't know what it would take.

I also know that I cannot change Javier. I always knew that, I just wanted him to change. There's a difference. Maybe he will never change, which saddens me. I want things to be okay between us, for Mia's sake also. I'm not perfect, call me crazy if you want. I can't just turn off feelings. It kills me that I can't contact him, it really does, but I know that's what I need to do. I know there are going to be moments in the future where I'm going to have a good cry. And that's okay, because it's not going to last forever, I figure 'if I let the wave hit me, it will eventually pull away.'

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