Sunday, June 13, 2010

Rainy nights with nothing to do.

Another rainy night and absolutely nothing to do. Although I could be sleeping, but who wants to sleep?

So my last post was a story about a stupid boy as we all know by the name of Rico Suave (Ha!) Anyways, when he told me that it looks like I've been gaining weight, I laughed it off. Only later on, it really got me thinking. I sat in the mirror for about 25 minutes just looking, and touching my muffin top and my love handles, which is pretty pathetic. So I've concluded that every time I want to eat 5 cookies, I'll only eat 2. :(
I wouldn't call myself 'fat' because in all honesty I'm not 'fat' ... ya know I just have some extra meat. Who doesn't love that?

And no offense to the supermodel skinny girls who read my blog, but America has this vision of the perfect girl having to look like a twig with tennis balls for boobs. I'm just natural, a natural beauty with a 'real' body and huge boobies? Either way I am natural.

But lately I have been feeling 'off' with myself. I've been so tried, like forreal, all i want to do is sleep. I'm not sure if this is depression creepin' back up in my life or what, but whatever it is it needs to go away. My best friend and her boyfriend just had a baby not too long ago. They're both my age (18) and her boyfriend is the only one who is working. They told me they are getting an apartment soon (which I am so happy for them) but it made me take a step back and look at where I'm at:

1. Enrolled into college for this fall.
2. Quit HS, but got my GED ... WITH honors ;)
3. Started my new job at Citizen's bank (I'll talk about this job soon)
4. Living with my mother rent free
5. This should be my first, but I am INVOLVED in church. And in love with the Lord.

Which is okay I guess. But when I heard they could afford to move out on their own, I got jealous almost. I basically felt like I failed as a person, as a mother, because 1. I cannot afford my own place and 2. I am a single mother.

I thought about this for days straight .... failing my duties as a person and a mother and this whole stupid weight comment Rico Suave made the other night. So I talked to another friend about how I was feeling, and she reminded me of something - God & his plan for me.

Yes, God's plan especially designed for ME. I was so caught up in worrying about the way I looked or how I potentially failed at life because I can't move out of my mom's house yet. It was just objects of Satan trying to distract me from the real thing here - which is God's plan. Now I'm not sure what his plan is. But what I do know is that I have done the best I can for myself and Mia so far. I am working and going to school. I am doing all the right things right now, so my own place is just going to have to wait. And within time a  blessing will come my way.....


  1. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

    That is awesome that you are involved in your church and have a relationship with God! I know it's easy to get distracted but keep your focus on Him. You will do amazing things! :)

  2. I love this post Manda! Keep focusing on God's plan being right for you no matter what others will say about it and you will continue to live your own happily ever after.

  3. I can completely understand where you are coming from. My husband and I are young too, I'm 20 and he's 22. When we got married we both worked and we had our own place. When we found out that Ian was on the way, and I lost my job, we decided that it was best to move in with my parents. We are still here. Sure, we have the money to move out, and sometimes I would really like to. But I know that it's Gods plan for us to stay here for now and continue saving so that we can give our children the kind of life we want them to have. It's hard, but I know I'm right where I need to be. Sometimes I feel down or embarassed, but there is no shame in doing what you need to do. I hope that you find comfort in your life just the way that it is right now. =) God bless.